I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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