Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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