How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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