you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
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I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
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Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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