I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
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