So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
