and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
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I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
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Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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