Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
