Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
