just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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