i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
