I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
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and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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