I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
