I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I need to stop coming to work sober
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
