i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
