we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
