probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
