you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
