she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
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Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
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Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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