Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
