ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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