If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
