I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
i out mim tonsoeep
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