after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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