i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
