So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
