i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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