i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
