he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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