She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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