she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
