Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
