so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
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Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
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Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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