I wannas sexs uuuuu
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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