all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
