Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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