There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
