I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
