Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
