Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
