dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.