I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority