Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
