Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
These tits shall not be calmed
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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