Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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