Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
