But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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