Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
