Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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