He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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