Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
