U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
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