remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
