im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
