I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
ugly people sure do ruin things
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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