How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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