also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
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