jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
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