last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
