did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
