My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
