We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
